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“Self-care is not about self-indulgence, it is about self-preservation.”
Being a Mom can be one of the most rewarding experiences, filled with many joyful moments. At the same time, being a Mom can be a demanding and exhausting job. Are there days when you feel lonely or isolated? Whether you are a Mom who works outside of the house, or at home, you’ve most likely experienced both exhaustion and isolation at times. It is easy to forget about your own needs, when you are being Mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, co-worker…the list of roles women play goes on and on! Moms often put everyone else’s needs before their own. Mothers I’ve worked with often report feeling “selfish” if they put themselves first. Some mothers share that they want to be the best Mom possible for their children so they need to make sure their children’s needs are met before their own. Although it is necessary at times to do this, lack of self-care over an extended period of time, can result in burnout. Moms often lament that they don’t even know who they are anymore. Life changes after we have children and we evolve and grow throughout our lifetime. But when Moms’ needs are relegated to the back burner, pushed aside or forgotten, there is a chance that she may not even remember who she is or what she even wants. Recently, I have had the opportunity to talk to mothers about my Mom’s Retreat, and have noticed a theme amongst mothers…”I can’t leave my children for a weekend…I’d love to come, but who would watch my kids?”. When I ask them about the possibility of their husband, or extended family babysitting, their response has been, “My kids wouldn’t know what to do without me…I never go away and leave my children.” The same Moms often state that they wish they could get away, but that they can’t ever imagine being able to do that. As a Mom of adult children, I too remember how difficult it was to get away without our children…I also remember how much I benefited as a Mom and wife, when I was able to make it happen. The children did not suffer, were often ready for a break from Mom, and we were all happy to be reunited. But the biggest reward was the wonderful reminder that although I was a Mom, and loved being a Mom…I was more. Bria Simpson, in her book “The Balanced Mom…Raising Your Kids Without Losing Your Self”, advises Moms to “keep your tank full”. I love this analogy with the alternative being “running on empty”. How many times, as Moms, do we feel like our tank is empty or our battery is drained? So what does having a full tank mean? Bria gives some tips as to how to fill your own tank:
Children watch their parents and learn far more from what their parents do than what they say. As parents, we are modeling how to be in life and how to live life fully. Our children’s observations often become a blueprint for their own live’s as they grow into adulthood. How do you want your child to remember you as their Mom? A Mom who was always harried, exhausted at the end of the day, with nothing more to give…not only to her family, but to herself? Your children will learn to value themselves as they observe you valuing yourself.
When we put our own needs and wishes behind those of our family…wait to fulfill our dreams, after our children are grown and gone…we just might not even remember who we are or what our wildest dreams ever were.
Who were you before you had children? What were your wishes…your dreams? When will you be able to take time for yourself…to reconnect and rediscover your own self?
“I know for sure that you can’t give what you don’t have. If you allow yourself to be depleted to the point where your emotional and spiritual tank is empty and you’re running on fumes out of habit, everyone loses. Especially you.” Oprah
Give yourself a gift of time…time to take a break and spend the weekend with other Moms…where you will learn how to fill your tank…rediscover who you are and how you want to be, not only as a Mom but as a woman…discover the importance of nurturing yourself so that you can then nurture your family.
For a limited time, from one Mom to another, I’d love to offer you this gift! GIFT 1 Register today for my Mom’s Retreat and… Click here to register. GIFT 2 Register yourself ($495) and bring your Mom girlfriend for free!!! So, pack your bags, bring your girlfriends and get ready to relax, renew and rejuvenate…
Give this gift of time to yourself and your family… I’m looking forward to seeing you at Palm Key!!
Bonnie Compton
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I can totally relate to the comment “moms don’t even know who they are anymore.” I often catch up with my former self and realize that i miss her terribly. I don’t know if this is because i had children later in life or if this is how all moms feel. Nice to know I’m not alone.
Hi Kim,
No, you are not alone…many Moms feel this way at times, myself included. That is why is it SO important to take time for yourself, whether it is only 10 minutes, 1 hour or 1 day…start with whatever you’re able to commit to. Maybe a good place to start is by doing what you love to do, what excites you…and if you’ve forgotten, as we all do at times, remember back when you were a child…what brought you joy?
The quote, “When Mama ain’t happy…ain’t nobody happy!”, is so true!
Thank you for your honesty…motherhood is HARD. We all need to be honest as Moms and support each other.
Bonnie