Parents often complain that their children just can’t seem to go with the flow and are easily upset by change. Change in a child’s life can be as simple as a parent’s decision to read two bedtime stories instead of three, or as complex as a move to a new house, or even a divorce. The fact of the matter is that change is hard, even for adults! My husband and I experienced a big change recently as we moved from our hometown in Maryland to Charleston, South Carolina. I will be the first to tell you that change is hard and can create uncertainty. Both adults and children thrive on predictability. Our daily lives usually have some structure and routine. Although we as adults can be fairly flexible, we often expect our children to be able to do the same.

Children, by nature, are creatures of habit. Have you ever noticed that your child likes to hear the same story or watch the same video over and over again? This repetition allows the child to feel a sense of predictability in their world. They are able to predict ahead of time what will happen and what the outcome will be. Don’t you often feel a bit more secure in knowing that everything will be okay in the end? Although no one can completely control their life, and might miss out on some interesting opportunities if they tried, creating some routine and structure provides comfort and balance in our lives.

Some children are better able to go with the flow more than others. You may have noticed this with your own children. If you know that your child is easily upset when there is a change in routine, you may need to prepare and support them even more than a child who is not fazed by changes.

I have shared the following strategies with parents as they prepare their child for change:

• Let your child know ahead of time that there will be a change in routine.
  
  • We will be reading 2 stories tonight instead of 3 because you’re going to bed later tonight.
  • Tomorrow, I will not be picking you up after school but you will be riding home with your friend, Zoe.

• To help your child transition from one activity to the next, give them a time warning.
  
  • In 5 minutes, I need you to go get your pajamas on.
  • In 10 minutes, I need you to turn off the computer and come to the dinner table.

• Give your child choices whenever possible as this will help them to feel that they have some control in their lives.                                                                                

• When changing schools or daycare, begin to prepare your child a couple of weeks before the change. Schedule a time to visit the school and if possible, let them visit a few times before they start.

• Encourage your child to bring familiar belongings with them, such as a blanket, stuffed animal, favorite toy or a family photo album. These transitional objects will help provide security for your child as they adjust to change.

• Moving is a big change for children. Again, schedule several visits for your child ahead of the move, if possible. Involve your child in the packing of their toys and belongings so that they are able to feel part of the process. Help them pack a special backpack or suitcase that will stay with them during the move.

• When children are leaving friends because of a change in their life, help create ways for your child to keep in touch with their close friends (visits, letters, video chats, etc.).  This will help ease your child’s uncertainty about leaving friends.

• Plan to spend more time with your child as they adjust to their new routine.