Has your child ever talked to you about “hearing voices in their head”? Or perhaps they insist that they saw someone in their bedroom last night as they were falling asleep?

I remember my children sharing stories like this when they were little. Our oldest daughter had an imaginary friend, named “Bing”. Bing often rode with us in the car, ate many meals at our family dinner table and was her part-time playmate. She had many “real” playmates and looked forward to playdates, but Bing was there for her whenever she needed him. I accepted her “playmate” as a normal imaginary friend phenomenon for a 4 year old girl. Curiously, years later I remembered that my father’s favorite singer was Bing Crosby. My father died nine years before my daughter was even born. A coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.

I often wonder, after hearing about many children who do “hear voices”, if there are perhaps other explanations. Another daughter of ours remembers seeing a man in her room at night as she was falling asleep. She does not remember ever feeling afraid of him, but rather found him to be of comfort.

I recently read “Angels Whisper In My Ear” and began to think back to stories that both my children and others have shared. Although I am open to possibilities and have learned to trust my own intuitive whispers, I probably discounted my children’s abilities to tap into their own “whispers”.

Kyle Gray, author of “Angels Whisper In My Ear” recounts his own experience of both seeing and hearing his grandmother right after her death. Although his mother discounted his experience, assuring Kyle that it was not possible that he could have seen or talked to his grandmother after her death, Kyle knew differently. Kyle continued to communicate with his grandmother and through his communications and experiences he learned to connect and communicate with angels.

No matter your beliefs or religion, Kyle both inspires and opens his readers to the possibilities of “whispers”. More specifically, he shares his own insight into explaining death to children. Kyle recommends being honest with your child. He uses the analogy that our bodies are like cars. He explains that “they carry us like a vehicle, but they don’t last forever”. He goes onto to say “But when a car gives up, it doesn’t mean the journey is over”. Children are open to possibilities and because they have creative imaginations they can easily accept the concept of an afterlife.

Kyle’s recommendation is to “Give children love and comfort whenever you can. Surround them with positive messages and encourage them to accept the spiritual side of their existence. If you do this, you will be giving them so much more than material goods…you will be giving them peace and contentment. What more could you wish for?”

After reading Kyle’s story, I am left to ponder the possibilities…whether our children’s heard whispers or our own whispers or intuition, provide peace and contentment, when we truly listen.

FTC Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of the book from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.

“Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It’s about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be. And that, if you’re lucky, he just might be the teacher who turns you into the person you are supposed to be.” – Joan Ryan

“There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children.” Marianne Williamson

The following story is an excerpt from “CLICK…Choosing Love ONE FRAME AT A TIME”, by Carl Studna. He is a world renowned photographer who has uses his gift and talents to capture the essence of individuals and ordinary moments. His book, so beautifully written, reminds us that in every moment of our life, we have choices to act out of love rather than fear, and to free ourselves to be our true selves. I loved reading his book, not only because of my passion for seeing the world through my camera lens, but because of his heartfelt messages. He reminds us to awaken to simple everyday moments, and to be conscious of our ways of being in the world. One chapter that particularly touched my heart was “Reclaiming Self-Expression and Freedom”. Carl shared this story about a family he observed while traveling…

“A young couple and their toddler daughter were sitting in seats on a plane in front of me for a brief one-hour flight. Before and during takeoff, their daughter began to cry, quickly escalating into full-out hysterics. Screaming at the top of her lungs, the child was clearly experiencing deep pain, likely from the change in cabin pressure.

In my perception, the parents were more concerned about quieting the child than nurturing her and discovering the root of her anguish. They were shushing and moving her around as she continued to scream, trying to keep her preoccupied from feeling her pain rather than teaching her how to open her mouth and equalize her ears. I felt a deep sense of compassion for this little girl and wished that I could hold and comfort her with my healing energy.

As the plane rose and reached a consistent altitude with a pressurized cabin, the young girl’s pain subsided and her crying ended. I overheard her mother say to her, ‘Can you tell everyone that you’re sorry?’ I had to hold back from moving my head into their row from behind and saying, ‘She has absolutely nothing to feel sorry about. She was clearly experiencing tremendous pain in her ears and it’s up to you as her parents to comfort her and determine if there’s anything you can offer her that will ease her discomfort.’ Later in the flight, the father supplied a toy and food that did help to bring their daughter greater comfort.

That brief encounter served as a reminder of how many times as children we can be criticized, scrutinized or embarrassed for simply being honest in expressing our needs. It’s clear that these young parents were doing the best they knew how at that moment of crisis. Although they truly wanted to be loving with their daughter, they ended up reacting out of past conditioning and planted a seed in their young daughter’s consciousness that she needs to be sorry when she’s in pain or when authentically expressing her needs. In that moment, the parents were more concerned about the passengers around them than their daughter’s needs. This incident served as a poignant example of the choice we have in each moment to either honor the deeper need that is being expressed or allow fear to dictate our response.”

How often do we allow our children to express themselves freely?

When we view our child’s behavior as a reflection of ability as a parent, how do we respond? What choices do we make?

How often do we attempt to talk our children out of their feelings?

I wonder how the world might be if we all were able to freely express our feelings?

Perhaps today, we can all commit to freeing ourselves and our children…by allowing freedom of expression.

FTC Disclosure: I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.

BEING A MOM IS A WAKE-UP CALL…TO YOUR LIFE

“Mom’s Circle” Teleclass

Join together with other Moms…we will “meet” weekly for one month. You’ll learn ways to nurture yourself and your family…while being supported. You will also have the opportunity to learn how to become more mindful in your parenting.

I’ve worked with many Moms, and after receiving the knowledge and support, are able to make simple changes in their daily life. After a very short period of time, and without a lot of work, they realize the profound impact on their daily life for both themselves and their family! Becoming more intentional in your daily living and your parenting actually helps to simplify your life…what are you waiting for?

Topics will vary each 4 week session.

Upcoming Teleclass:
November 20, 2012 8-9:15 p.m.

Click here for details

I see balance as a give and take in life. A way to discern whether or not we are finding a “happy medium” in whatever we are doing. A balanced diet would include the appropriate food and nutrients that our body needs, but perhaps not one hundred percent of the time. Although I strive for a balanced diet, I surely do better on some days than others. I also make sure, that if I’ve eaten mindlessly one day, the next day I will try to get back to a healthy diet, thus creating balance. So perhaps a Mom might have to spend more time at work if she’s under a deadline, but then afterwards may devote special time with her children.

So when we talk about a “balanced” Mom, what is that all about? First of all, no one can define balance for anyone other than themselves. When I witness the criticism of Moms by other Moms, it saddens me. Mothers are trying to do the best they can, and find the balance that works for themselves and their family. Respecting how each chooses to find their own balance and live their own lives, is so needed in our culture. When we are able to respect other’s choices, we honor them for who they truly are, not for how we’d like them to be.

If you’re trying to figure out what balance means for you, and how to create balance in your own life, I’d love to offer a few tips to help get you get started…

Let It Go
Deciding what’s really important in life and what you can let go of, helps to lighten your load…this includes obligations, “to do” lists, resentments, old hurts.

Identify what you need?
“The first step to getting the things you want out of life, is this:Decide what you want.” Ben Stein

• Ask for help…no one will knows what you really need, until you ask.

• Take the time to reconnect and rediscover yourself.

• Connect with yourself so that you can then connect with your child.

• Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First

This is not intuitive for Moms, but remember what the flights attendants instruct us to do when traveling with children…“If the cabin pressure drops suddenly, an oxygen mask will drop down. It is important that you put your mask on first before helping others.”

So when you’re trying to find your “balance”, remember to…take care of yourself so that you can then take care of others.

• Put your attention and energy into what matters to you.

Decide what is truly important to you in your and your family’s life. Write down you priorities and commitments…and schedule time for them.

Where do you fall on your “to do” list?

What can you do to begin to create balance for both you and your family?

What are you willing to commit to?

I’d like to personally invite you to a series of Mom’s teleclasses that I’ll be offering, based on my upcoming book…
“Being a Mom is a Wake-Up Call…to Your Life”

I will be gathering a group of Moms, and together we will create a Mom’s Circle. This is an invitation for Moms, who want to be supported while they learn to nurture themselves and their family. You will also be given information and support while becoming mindful in your parenting. Moms, who have had this opportunity to gain the knowledge and support to make simple changes in their daily life, share that it has had a profound impact on their daily life for both themselves and their family!

Mom’s Circle TeleClass Series:

Our first four week series will begin in November:

November 20, 2012
8-9:15 p.m.

“Finding Your Balance Without Losing Yourself”

• You will learn about your own needs as a mother
• You will discover ways to nurture yourself so that you can then nurture your family
• Discover how to teach your child to find their own balance
• With the support of myself and other Moms, you will identify where you would like to make changes for yourself and your family…and how to make it happen!

4 week Teleclass Series Includes:

• One 75 minute group phone/week
• Facilitated content and guided exercises
• Time to connect and share with other Moms
• Access to a closed Mom’s Facebook page for ongoing support

Mom’s Circle will be limited to 4-6 participants
Cost: $100 for four week session

If you miss a class, you’ll have the opportunity to listen to the recorded session.

Come join us…you’ll have the opportunity to learn and share with other Moms, in the comfort of your own home, without the need to hire a babysitter!

I look forward to continuing our conversation…

Bonnie

As parents, we feel love for our children, but how often do we voice those words?  When we say “I love you” to our child, we express our love and admiration.  The phrase, “I love you” is meaningful but often generic.

We so easily get caught up the busyness of our daily lives and focus on our “to do” lists and our children’s behavior.  We remember our daily tasks and reminders for our children…”Have you done your homework?”…”Did you remember to brush your teeth?”.  We may rush through each day, checking off our accomplishments, hopefully remembering to say “I love you” to our children as we  say goodnight, but  have we really expressed our love for them.

When all is said and done, after our children are raised and leave our nest to begin their own adult lives, will they remember how much they were loved?

Will children hold onto the memories of hearing the words “I love you” or will hearing “I am so glad you were born” touch them at a deeper heartfelt level?

Saying to your child, “I am so glad you were born”, offers a loving space for your love and relationship to grow deeper.  Sharing conversations with your child about why you’re so glad they were born, offers many gifts.  Don’t we all like to be acknowledged and validated not only for our accomplishments, but especially for our very presence?

If we are able to offer these simple words to our children I wonder how different their lives might be be?

As I sat with these amazing women, I was saddened by their stories, but inspired by their strength. Even through their tumultuous experiences and lives filled with uncertainties, there was such grace and strength among these women. Although they expressed frustration and anger, that was not their focus. They were not expending precious energy by focusing on the negative. They have consciously chosen to move forward and do what they need to do each day, but are also learning to reach out for support. They have learned who they can depend on and connect with those who truly understand their situation. My observation was that these women were not only coping, but thriving in their daily lives. They were not living in the past but choosing to live in the present of their “new normal” life. Their daily challenges are handled both efficiently and with compassion. Their biggest challenge, in addition to the challenges of taking care of their wounded spouse and children, was finding time to care for themselves. A mother’s lament, “I am too busy to take care of me”, had a new meaning with all that these women face each day. However, as we spent time together exploring the need to nurture themselves, it was evident that they truly understood this need, but just didn’t quite know how to begin. They quickly started to explore small ways to begin to make changes in their lives and to allow time to take care of themselves. They learned tools to be able to nurture themselves so that they could better nurture their families.

Communing with these beautiful women, I was reminded of life’s preciousness. How quickly life can change…how swiftly gifts can be taken from us. Although in exchange, if we allow ourselves time and space, we are often given life’s gifts, awaiting to be opened.

Dr. Terry A. Gordon shared his painful journey of his son’s accident in his recently published book, “No Storm Lasts Forever…Transforming Suffering into Insight”. As a cardiologist, Terry Gordon certainly had witnessed life’s tragedies. When he receives the news of his son’s automobile accident, that caused a severe spinal cord injury, Dr. Gordon is faced with personal tragedy and a choice. He can continue to view this event as a lifelong tragedy, or weather the storm, and as a result ultimately receive life’s gifts that are offered. Through their suffering, the Gordon family discovers the pain of life’s tragedies and are able transform their experience into opportunities for insight and growth. It is through Dr. Gordon’s journaling and his observations, that he is able to reflect upon life and all that it has to offer.

Gordon writes, “the most profound thing I have come to accept is that why the Gordons are facing this huge challenge is immaterial. What’s more important is how we’re overcoming it.” This is the lesson that can be applied to all of our lives, filled with everyday events and tragedies. It is through Dr. Gordon’s inspirational offerings that we too can utilize our own experiences as a instrument for growth.

I was reminded of our own opportunities and choices when we are faced with life’s difficulties. It was obvious that these amazing women, both caregivers and Moms were making daily choices to not only survive each day, but to truly thrive. They most certainly may have asked “Why did this happen to our family?” but they were not paralyzed by their experience by longing for answers. Instead they too moved forward, accepted what was and were able to find humor and gifts in each precious day. I am in awe of these beautiful women and so grateful for my time spent with them. Thank you for your family’s sacrifices, and for sharing your life’s lessons and spirit.

Now is the time to begin to help your children make the transition from summer to school. Here are some tips to help make this transition a smooth one.

Begin the transition a week or so before school begins by creating routines and a school time schedule.

• No more late nights! Establish regular bedtime and wake-up schedules.
• Set your child up for success!
• Purchase appropriate school supplies
• Minimize morning mishaps by preparing the night before
• Set out clothes the night before
• Pack lunches and backpacks ahead of time
• Provide a nutritious breakfast and ensure adequate sleep
• Provide structure and routines for homework
• A quiet spot for homework
• The child’s room, unless they need assistance
• The dining room or kitchen table often works best for
• younger children.
• A consistent time for homework
• Usually right after school is best for most children, after
• a snack but before they begin to play.

It is normal for some children to be apprehensive before the first few days of school. You can help your child by:

• Acknowledging their feelings and letting them know that what they are feeling is normal.
• Scheduling a time for them to visit the school and meet their teachers.
• Scheduling play dates with school friends or former classmates.
• Giving your child some strategies to help calm themselves, such as counting and deep breathing, reminding themselves about a time when they were nervous about an event and were able to handle their fears.

Parents often ask me about homework and how much they should be involved. That really depends on your child, however I do recommend promoting as much independence as possible. Of course, a younger child will need more assistance than an older one. Make sure that your child understands the assignment, be nearby for questions, but let them tackle it on their own. Resist the temptation to help your child do their homework. I recognize that sometimes it is easier to do it for them, but this will not help your child. If your child is struggling with homework, that is important information for the teacher. Remind yourself that your child’s homework and projects are not a reflection of your parenting ability. It is fairly obvious when a parent has “helped” their child with a school project!

The beginning of school each year symbolizes a fresh new start. Remind your child that school is their “job” and empower them to be successful!

Recently I watched a video, once again, of a powerful Mom. She spoke about her need to protect her children during a tornado. View the video here.

It was a reminder, to me, how strong a mother’s instinct is to protect her children, whatever the cost.  To this mother, it was the cost of losing her legs.  Whether a Mom protects her children with a heroic act, such as this Mom did, or protects her child when they are hurt, both are powerful acts.

Mothers also have an intuitive sense when something is just not right with their child.  As mothers, we’ve all experienced the feeling that something wasn’t right with our child.  Often, mothers begin to doubt their own sense or intuition, especially  when told by family, friends or professionals that they “worry” to much.  As a former pediatric nurse practitioner, I always trusted and listened to a Mom’s intuition about her child, and it usually paid off.  When we discount a Mom’s intuitive nature, we often miss an opportunity to help a child.  As a Mom, I was told on several occasions that I needn’t worry about one of my children, when I had a deep sense that something was just not right.

Mothers cannot be faulted for their innate need to protect  their young, and should be applauded. Science has not been able to explain the basis for a mother’s instinct…maybe the fact that we were connected to our child for 9 months before birth?  However, all mothers, not only biological mothers have this instinctual protective gift.  Is it a mother’s natural ability to nurture her child that causes her instinct to protect her child, at all costs?  Moms have been compared to “mama bears”…get between a mama bear and her cub and you’ll pay a price.

Whether Moms protect their children, even at their own expense, or whether a Mom protects her child by ensuring their everyday safety…we know that Moms are powerful!

Have you ever had a “Mama Bear” moment with your child?
Have you ever been surprised by your “Mom power”?
When was the last time you listened to your “Mom intuition”?

Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote, “Life is a journey, not a destination.”, is a wonderful reminder to enjoy the present moment. However, having some life guidelines to go by might make the journey a little smoother.

Ken Druck, author of “The REAL RULES OF LIFE Balancing Life’s Terms with Your Own”, provides just that for his readers. After the death of his own daughter, he learns first hand that life does not always go according to a plan. As he faces personal tragedy and the associated pain, he discovers life’s secrets. He not only survived but in the process received unexpected gifts. He helps us look beyond the rules that we learned as a child, or that we’ve held as adults. The “REAL RULES” are ones that sometimes we don’t want to face or accept. Ken discovered when he faced life’s challenges head-on, he was provided opportunities for growth. He also learned lessons about living life with intention.

There are no rules for parenting, however when you are a mindful parent, you learn to develop a vision and guidelines for your children. I’ve provided a few of Ken Druck’s “Real Rules” that I believe are wonderful guiding principals for both parents and their children.

Here are a few “rules” to help you get started:

LIFE IS NOT FAIR

How many times have you heard that as a parent? I know I have. Sometimes we know, as Ken Druck reminds us, that life is “more than fair”. We are given freedoms that other countries are not, we are wealthy or blessed with amazing talents. Yet, we are also quickly reminded that life is “not fair”. All we have to do is watch the nightly news to be reminded.

As parents, it is natural to want to protect your child from the difficulties of life, from the “unfairness” of life. It is through tough challenging times, that we learn to cope and become stronger. So, although you may want to make life easier for your children, let them experience and feel the small “unfairnesses” of life. They are then prepared for the inevitable unfair life experiences.

THERE ARE NO QUICK FIXES

Aren’t we all looking for quick fixes? We’ve become accustomed to quickly taking a pill for an ache or pain. It is also easier to move on quickly rather than actually feel a painful emotion, perhaps resulting from a difficult situation. We often do a disservice to our children by not allowing them to feel what they are feeling. In an attempt to make them feel better, sometimes we brush aside their feelings. All children really want is to be acknowledged and heard. That is really what all of us want.

Letting your child know that you cannot fix their problem is important. However, also letting them know that you will be there for them, is also important. As Ken Druck reminds us, “being with” someone, doesn’t “require that you do anything”. Let your child know that you don’t have all of the answers, or the quick fixes, but that you’ll support them in finding their own way.

LISTENING IS LOVE

When I work with children, they often complain that their parents don’t listen to them. Now, sometimes that might translate into “they won’t give me what I want”. However, often parents are so busy trying to just get through their busy day with children, or are so focused on their behavior, that they miss precious listening opportunities. The opportunity to hear their child’s dreams or discoveries, or worries about an upcoming exam. Kids are very intuitive and are able to easily discern when their parent is not listening. How many times have you listened to your child but at the same time were replaying your “to do” list in your head…don’t feel bad, we’ve all done it.

So the next time your child wants to talk, try to stop, look them in the eye, and really tune into what they are saying. Acknowledge their experience or feelings and let them know that they have been heard.

TAKING HONEST INVENTORY…Overcoming our Blind Spots

Yes, we all have our “blind spots”, characteristics that we don’t want to acknowledge or behavior that is often ego driven. We like to feel in control. It is not unusual for Moms to feel that they have everything under control in the family. Sometimes this may come across as knowing what’s “best” for their children. Some Moms inadvertently send a message that they are the only ones who are capable of caring for the kids. Although they want Dads to help, they often complain about the way Dads take on childcare. At that point, Dads take a backseat, and then Moms become resentful. Now that my seem like a generalization, but have their been times when you felt you knew what was best for your child or family?

So, if needing to be in control of the family or the daily household routine seems familiar to you, maybe it’s time to let others pull their weight. If Dads do baths differently, but the end result is a clean child, then let it go. If your children want to have some say in when they take a bath, or what is served for dinner, let them have a voice. Once we’re able to let go of our egos, our insecurities, we are given the opportunity to let go of old habits. In doing so we empower our families and ourselves.

I applaud Ken Drucker for sharing his journey, his discoveries about the “real rules” of life. As parents, we have choices to make about the rules that we choose to live by…not only for ourselves, but for our children.

What life rules to you live by? What rules are you teaching your children?

FTC Disclosure: I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.